So according to the Reintegration Tablet I've got just over a 50% chance of surviving Slender Man.
I think I like that percentage. Flip a coin, heads I win, tails I lose. It creates the necessary tension: will he win? Or will he lose? Could go either way.
The analysis of my intelligence left me a bit sad, though. Come on, AI Guy. I can quote Shakespeare from memory, and you rank me just slightly above Morningstar? I'm insulted. What do you want me to do, invent sustainable cold fusion or something?